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After rewinding and playing back so many times to the points in my life when I had "friends" and was happy, it gets harder and harder to make out the faded shapes in the picture and even harder to pull out the voices over the white noise that took over forever ago (In a manner of speaking, what I mean is that my fond memories of certain times of my past are fading away) So, I've made up my mind. There's no use staying in the past, there's nothing left there, it's already gone, over, and done (Even when I first made this account, I could never get enough of that name, and, unfortunately, have been able to use it a lot in purposes other than identity.)  There are still times when I would trade all of my tomorrows for one single yesterday with the people I thought were my friends, but that'll never happen. Hell, I ain't even gonna use tape anymore. No more rewinding! Why even have the tape rolling when you'll never have that moment back ever? The second you walk out of that door, the moment is gone, it's over, it's done. Sure, there's a picture, maybe even some audio or a video, (Or in my case, a failed school project on a CD and a commissioned piece of art (That still hags proudly on my wall and I do admire it every now and again)) But that exact chemistry of everything that was going on will never EVER happen again. Ask anyone that does things with "feel". You never get the same feeling twice. Once that moment is over, that's all it becomes, a moment. As for art, I have the skills of a pile of dirty diapers, I'm as creative as a cardboard box, and I have the talent of... I don't want to offend anything out there by comparing myself to it, so I ain't even gonna finish that. I'll probably never be truely gone (I honestly do believe I suffer from a multi personalty complex of some sort, and I guess it's pretty obvious that I'm not one of my optimistic ones right now) That's why I can't have friends. People who are friends with one Frank are not friends with most of the other Franks. Once they see the other ones, they leave. That, or they realize that I have no substance of any sort. Look at this whole shitload of words. "I I I I me me me me I I I I I'm I'm I'm. I'm a self centered bastard on top of it all! (Although, it's not like I've got anyone else to talk with or to or about anyways) So, to close it, A, No, I'm not making any more "art" B, I've come to terms that I'm destined to be a lonely person for the rest of my life, and C, I'm not gonna be living in the past anymore (Well, at least this variant of Frank isn't gonna be.) So, (Or until the next Frank cycles through) I'm Gone, Over, and Done. Have a nice day.
  • Mood: Lonely
  • Listening to: 97th Regimental String Band - Jolly Grog
  • Reading: Nothing.
  • Watching: Might as well unplug my tv.
  • Playing: Nothing.
  • Eating: Icecream (Finished a tub in one go)
  • Drinking: Does Icecream count?
After a long hiatus, I finally got on my feet enough to want to try again, but it seems the little skill I had has left me. Back to square one... I can't post any of my recent stuff because it sucks ass, and is also currently crumpled up in a garbage bag somewhere in the dump. And the days go by, like the other ones... It's funny how every morning I wake up is anouther day on top of the long list of days on top of a year I haven't seen any of my friends. I've come to the conclusion they weren't my friends at all, just people who humored me because they were forced to go to school and had nothing better to do... Well, fuck them, I'm an asshole(for too many reasons to list, but one of the the biggest ones is my lack of any communication skills whatsoever), and they're all dicks. There. What else is new? Same as it ever was. What happens today is no different than the last one, nor will it most likely be from the next. "I do believe, there are no more tricks left up my sleeve, the good old days have past, and the good times after that. Slowly I've become undone, I've turned into a stranger."
  • Mood: Lonely
  • Listening to: Dr. Dog - Stranger (Live KEXP)
  • Reading: Nothing.
  • Watching: Might as well unplug my tv.
  • Playing: Nothing.
  • Eating: Nothing, my tooth hurts.
  • Drinking: Why are your here?
I apologize for my recent behavior, to whom this may concern. For anyone who wants the truth, I'm been in and on, on and off depressed for months. Un-diagnosed, of course, I don't want a doctor telling me I need medication, they can shove their pills up their ass! I know the cause, and eventually I'll luck out with a solution. In case you want to know, I haven't seen any of my friends in over a year. Mom was constantly telling me not to even bother thinking of them, and that they're not my friends, so I pushed all of them away a few months ago in ways that I don't think I'll ever be able to recover what we once had, should I defy my parents word. On top of that, I've been jobless for nearly a year, and even though I send my resume out weekly, I never get any kind of interviews, just notices of "We received your application" and later on "We have decided to go with someone else"... I watch my dad struggle and strain both physically and mentally to keep us afloat, and I feel helpless and useless to the whole situation. It's like my whole life is at an idle, and I don't idle well. I'm just sitting around doing nothing, and really, I feel like a failure. I miss the days when I worked so hard that I couldn't think... At least I was happy then. Hopefully things will get better...
  • Mood: Lonely
  • Listening to: Burnt Orange-Whose to Blame?
  • Reading: Nothing.
  • Watching: Might as well unplug my tv.
  • Playing: Nothing.
  • Eating: What's it matter?
  • Drinking: Why are your here?
So I guess I'm not totally gone just yet. I can never make my mind up anymore. Sorry for being confusing with the "I'm gone, now I'm not", because if anyone is actually reading this, you really don't need to put up with it. I just (emotionally and verbally, we haven't physically seen each other in nearly a year anyway) pushed my best friend away because I am a sinking ship right now and am a complete bummer to talk to. Again, sorry for wasting your time, now move along if you haven't already, there ain't nothing here to look at.
  • Mood: Worried
  • Listening to: The Yardbirds-Smokestack Lightning
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: What's it matter?
  • Drinking: Why are your here?

deviantID

GoneOverDone
Frank
United States
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Interests
After rewinding and playing back so many times to the points in my life when I had "friends" and was happy, it gets harder and harder to make out the faded shapes in the picture and even harder to pull out the voices over the white noise that took over forever ago (In a manner of speaking, what I mean is that my fond memories of certain times of my past are fading away) So, I've made up my mind. There's no use staying in the past, there's nothing left there, it's already gone, over, and done (Even when I first made this account, I could never get enough of that name, and, unfortunately, have been able to use it a lot in purposes other than identity.)  There are still times when I would trade all of my tomorrows for one single yesterday with the people I thought were my friends, but that'll never happen. Hell, I ain't even gonna use tape anymore. No more rewinding! Why even have the tape rolling when you'll never have that moment back ever? The second you walk out of that door, the moment is gone, it's over, it's done. Sure, there's a picture, maybe even some audio or a video, (Or in my case, a failed school project on a CD and a commissioned piece of art (That still hags proudly on my wall and I do admire it every now and again)) But that exact chemistry of everything that was going on will never EVER happen again. Ask anyone that does things with "feel". You never get the same feeling twice. Once that moment is over, that's all it becomes, a moment. As for art, I have the skills of a pile of dirty diapers, I'm as creative as a cardboard box, and I have the talent of... I don't want to offend anything out there by comparing myself to it, so I ain't even gonna finish that. I'll probably never be truely gone (I honestly do believe I suffer from a multi personalty complex of some sort, and I guess it's pretty obvious that I'm not one of my optimistic ones right now) That's why I can't have friends. People who are friends with one Frank are not friends with most of the other Franks. Once they see the other ones, they leave. That, or they realize that I have no substance of any sort. Look at this whole shitload of words. "I I I I me me me me I I I I I'm I'm I'm. I'm a self centered bastard on top of it all! (Although, it's not like I've got anyone else to talk with or to or about anyways) So, to close it, A, No, I'm not making any more "art" B, I've come to terms that I'm destined to be a lonely person for the rest of my life, and C, I'm not gonna be living in the past anymore (Well, at least this variant of Frank isn't gonna be.) So, (Or until the next Frank cycles through) I'm Gone, Over, and Done. Have a nice day.
  • Mood: Lonely
  • Listening to: 97th Regimental String Band - Jolly Grog
  • Reading: Nothing.
  • Watching: Might as well unplug my tv.
  • Playing: Nothing.
  • Eating: Icecream (Finished a tub in one go)
  • Drinking: Does Icecream count?

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Comments


:iconold-marcie1234:
Old-Marcie1234 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014
Hiya, Frank!
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