GoneOverDone

After rewinding and playing back so many times to the points in my life when I had "friends" and was happy, it gets harder and harder to make out the faded shapes in the picture and even harder to pull out the voices over the white noise that took over forever ago (In a manner of speaking, what I mean is that my fond memories of certain times of my past are fading away) So, I've made up my mind. There's no use staying in the past, there's nothing left there, it's already gone, over, and done (Even when I first made this account, I could never get enough of that name, and, unfortunately, have been able to use it a lot in purposes other than identity.)  There are still times when I would trade all of my tomorrows for one single yesterday with the people I thought were my friends, but that'll never happen. Hell, I ain't even gonna use tape anymore. No more rewinding! Why even have the tape rolling when you'll never have that moment back ever? The second you walk out of that door, the moment is gone, it's over, it's done. Sure, there's a picture, maybe even some audio or a video, (Or in my case, a failed school project on a CD and a commissioned piece of art (That still hags proudly on my wall and I do admire it every now and again)) But that exact chemistry of everything that was going on will never EVER happen again. Ask anyone that does things with "feel". You never get the same feeling twice. Once that moment is over, that's all it becomes, a moment. As for art, I have the skills of a pile of dirty diapers, I'm as creative as a cardboard box, and I have the talent of... I don't want to offend anything out there by comparing myself to it, so I ain't even gonna finish that. I'll probably never be truely gone (I honestly do believe I suffer from a multi personalty complex of some sort, and I guess it's pretty obvious that I'm not one of my optimistic ones right now) That's why I can't have friends. People who are friends with one Frank are not friends with most of the other Franks. Once they see the other ones, they leave. That, or they realize that I have no substance of any sort. Look at this whole shitload of words. "I I I I me me me me I I I I I'm I'm I'm. I'm a self centered bastard on top of it all! (Although, it's not like I've got anyone else to talk with or to or about anyways) So, to close it, A, No, I'm not making any more "art" B, I've come to terms that I'm destined to be a lonely person for the rest of my life, and C, I'm not gonna be living in the past anymore (Well, at least this variant of Frank isn't gonna be.) So, (Or until the next Frank cycles through) I'm Gone, Over, and Done. Have a nice day.

Welp. Prom sign up was today. All of my friends (I really only have 3, used to be 4, but she hates me now...) went to go to sign up and their table was full... I'm an 11th wheel... It's ok, I guess. All of their friends hate me too. Why dampen the fun on 7 other people when me being in their sights makes them silently wish I'd jump off a bridge? I ended up signing up for a table of complete strangers. Hell, it'll be less hostile than 7 pissed off people. Allison still hates me (She was that #4 I was typing about. Really, she was #1 at one point... I was gonna keep her name a secret to me, but who the reads these anyway? Hell, y'know what? I know if she finds out I wrote this about her, she'd kill me, but hey, death is bound to happen sooner or later. I fell in love with her... My biggest sin, apparently. All I did was admit it to her, and she just was never the same around me. I blame myself...) She even hisses at me and threatens me with her pen. Stab stab stab! I knew it was a big mistake to try to be friends with people. Yes, there are 3 people that are friendly to me, but I'm just an odd wheel to their other friends, easily left behind when there's no room... I will admit, my one friend surprised me, she seemed upset that I was being left out, her name I'll keep secret, because I am on good terms with her, but my other "friends" treat me like a broken toy in an old sandbox. Sometimes I'll get played with, but for the most part, I'm just that guy that is ok to hang with when no one else is available. Maybe I'm just too different? Maybe I'm just plain dumb, I don't know! I haven't drawn a damn thing since January, I just don't feel like drawing, too upset. Even before January, I was very spaced out far in between the drawings. The heartache from Allison was bad enough, it lasted months. The constant pain faded, but whenever she's on my mind, it hurts again. It's like picking a scab, only you can't stop the bleeding with a paper towel or something. (Reading this over, it kinda looks like I'm depressed... I AM NOT! I AM upset, both with myself and others, but not depressed. Just trying to clarify to avoid unnecessary red flags.)

Got an account, had if for a while as a recommendation from someone, tried to use it, and I'm still dazed and confused... If I don't figure this out, my account name will ring true to the account's fate; It will be gone, over, and done. If anyone actually reads this, wow you must really have nothing to do. Really. I mean, I don't even pay attention to myself because doing nothing is more entertaining. Really, I'd rather watch paint dry than read this. Why am I still typing? It's because you've actually read this, so I'm gonna reward you by letting you in on a secret; Did you know that the Government has this water powered car? Yeah, it does! It's got this fiberglass water-cooled engine! It runs on water, man! WATER!!! As a side note, I can't believe I actually remembered my password. Usually I can't remember what I...uh...Enough said!